It’s been a while since I reached into the great big stack of elementary school documents and assignments that my folks shipped out to me a while back, so I thought that this week, instead of another teaser from Great North Road, I would go get something out of the pile of forty year old papers. And so I present to you this “Happy/Sad” assignment:
Astonishingly enough, two out of the five “happy” items involve petting animals. No doubt this is a shock to everyone. Try not to have a heart attack and die from that surprise! Anyway, let’s review those lists:
- Petting a puppy. Who, me?
- Getting a game. Back then this probably would have been a board game, or one of these:
- Going out to eat. Burger King, anyone?
- Petting a kitty. Again … Who, me?
- Playing outside. Always a good time!
- Being bored. Hmm, more games would fix that.
- Feeling lonely. Hmm, more games would fix that too. So would more puppies and kitties.
- My brother mouthing of [sic] to me. Ooh, the mouth on that kid! Here, play a game instead.
- Getting bit by a bee. Well, okay, bees don’t bite. But back before we had the Internet, nobody knew the difference between getting bitten and getting stung. Also, I still have a tendency to flee whenever confronted by stinging insects, especially Assholes With Wings. Handy chart:
- Gotting [sic] hurt. Kind of a superset of the previous item. Being notoriously accident-prone, this happened to me a lot. But at least I can see copious amounts of my own blood without, you know, passing out or vomiting. So it has its benefits.
And there you have it: My elementary school happiness profile! Nowadays I’m sure there’s an Internet quiz for it, probably with better artwork …