It’s 1997 and somebody is wearing my shirt.

Hint: It’s not the dog.

It’s 1999 and Tucker would like you to state your business before he will let you talk to his mom.

It’s 1990 and I’m trying to impress this girl with my golf skills.

It’s 1995 and I just caught this girl who fell out of the sky.

It’s 2001 and I find pretty things to take pictures of on Balboa Island. Even if they don’t really want me to.

“Hurry up and take the picture already.”

It’s 1991 and my career as a milliner is over before it begins.

It’s the entire 1980s and am I a boy who likes to sit with dogs while reading, or a boy who likes to read while sitting with dogs?

… Yes.

Things haven’t changed all that much since then, either, other than what form the books take. Oh, and now there are cats involved, too.

It’s 1985 and this girl I haven’t met yet is going to be scandalized when we watch “Beastmaster” in 10 or 15 years, because “ferrets don’t squeak, they go ooka-ooka-ooka!”

A Girl and Her Ferret
Continue reading “It’s 1985 and this girl I haven’t met yet is going to be scandalized when we watch “Beastmaster” in 10 or 15 years, because “ferrets don’t squeak, they go ooka-ooka-ooka!””

It’s 1996 and I Can Probably Escape While the Zombie Ducks and Geese Are Finishing Off That Girl Over There

Braaaaaiiiiiins.

For context, I’ve been scanning old prints and negatives (a project I’ve been meaning to do for years, and was finally motivated to start for due to family reasons), and sometimes I find ones that lend themselves to captions. Usually these involve my wife, who you may remember from such “Not a Review” posts as “Not a Review of Game of Thrones” and “Not a Review of Battlestar Galactica”. I have been posting these on Facebook from time to time but it finally occurred to me that I could also post them here. After all, this is supposed to be a blog about words, right? And a picture is worth a thousand words? So all I need is forty or fifty pictures and bam! I’ve got a novella.

BTW, don’t worry about her. It turned out the zombie ducks and geese were vegetarians.

The elusive wife, some 30-odd years ago, in the blockbuster horror sequel 28 Ducks Later. See? She does exist!

That 70s Dust Jacket Author Photo

Me in the 1970s, dressed to the 9s. Or the 8s, or however old I was when it was taken:

Cool Jim 3
Strike a pose

You would totally buy a book with this photo on the back of the dust jacket, right? No? Is the unbuttoned jacket a bit much? How about this, then?

Cool Jim 2
If you won’t buy a book, perhaps I can interest you in a used car?

Oh yeah. Everyone loves a dimple and a little dot on the chin.