Spamcommentology, Part V: Porn (You Knew It Was Coming*)

So this week we’ve arrived at the climax** of my Spamcommentology series, with a very common sort of spam comment. I would ask the reader to take a wild guess what this category is, but since I already bared it all in the title, I’ll just get right down to it! (Incidentally, this kind of spam always includes links, but I’ve taking the liberty of stripping said links from the screen shots.)

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Spamcommentology, Part IV: Word Salad, Plus Bonus Category: It’s A Conspiracy!

Hello and welcome to yet another installment of Spamcommentology! This week we’ll be looking at Word Salad, with a bonus look at the “It’s a Conspiracy!” category. Now, the Word Salad type of comment is, as you may have guessed, when the spambot just throws a bunch of words into a comment, presumably in the hope of fooling spam filters with heaps of text, as well as to overcome any minimum-length requirements that a site may have. Mostly Word Salad comments are merely gibberish; sometimes they seem to sort of quasi-make sense, until you actually try to parse them; and sometimes they rise almost to the level of some sort of koan, as if an abstract impressionist painting decided to upchuck a poem. Here are a few examples:

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Spamcommentology, Part III: Praise and Insults

Now that we’ve dispensed with the fake advice and fake technical support spam, it’s time to look at another common category: Fake praise and fake insults. The fake praise is designed to get you to approve it even though it’s clearly B.S., and the fake insults are designed to provoke a response even though they, too, are clearly B.S. For example:

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Spamcommentology, Part II: Seeking Fake Technical Support (And Fake Technical Comments In General)

So last week I posted some examples of spam where the spambot was allegedly seeking advice about various things, such as blogging platforms, AOL, and sex toy manufacturers. This week I’m back with a somewhat related category of spam, in which the spambot either claims that there’s something wrong with your site which they beseech you to fix, or else tries to make it sound like they are totally hip to today’s technology and so are you. Unfortunately, it seems like spambots don’t get updated regularly, and so these sorts of comments are often hilariously out of date. To wit:

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Spamcommentology, Part I: Seeking Fake Advice

So one of the regular housekeeping chores involved with running a blog is of course reviewing spam comments. I mean, you don’t have to do it; you can just ignore your spam comments, and let them be fully managed and deleted automatically by your anti-spam plugin. (And you do need an anti-spam plugin. Oh boy do you need an anti-spam plugin.) But if you never review the comments on your spam list, you will miss the (very) occasional real comment that gets caught up in the dragnet, and you don’t really want to leave someone twisting in the wind after they took the time to write a comment, do you?

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Where’s Jim?

I’m still here!

If you’ve been following this blog for any length of time, you’ve probably noticed two things in the last few months:

  1. My posts have slowed down
  2. The promised edition of Father’s Books is nowhere to be found

These two items are of course closely related.  The main reason for both of them is that I’ve been having so much fun writing Dennis’s Diary of Destruction that I haven’t made much headway at all editing Father’s Books for the last couple of months.  I’m sure that I’ll finish it eventually, but for now, the adventures of my gullible, narcissistic, grammatically-challenged, slightly paranoid vizsla seem to be taking precedence.  Why?  Let’s trot out another list:

  1. Immediate feedback in the form of comments is pretty gratifying
  2. I’m enjoying the change of writing absurd comedy and slapstick instead of horror (I would say that much of Dennis’s diary still qualifies as fantasy, my other major genre)
  3. I never made any money off my books anyway

So if you were breathlessly waiting for Father’s Books (that’s okay, I know you weren’t), I apologize for the delay.  But in the meantime, can I interest you in some GIMPed pictures and nonsensical conspiracy theories?