Laying Out A Book Isn’t As Easy As You’d Think

So I got the printed version of my first stab at a Lulu book and, as a book, it looks surprisingly good — quality binding, nice solid feel to the cover, good weight to the pages, dark and legible text inside. The problem is, the interior looks like one of the manuscripts that I print out when I’m editing. It quite frankly didn’t occur to me that I would need to:

  1. Change the font from courier to something reader-friendly
  2. Add the page numbering and book title in the header and footer
  3. Replace underlining with italics
  4. Insert the sort of pages you typically find at the beginning and end of a book — you know, a little blurb, a title page, a copyright page.
  5. Turn off double spacing, for crying out loud … jeez, what am I, a moron?

Also, the margins are too close to the inner binding, but that’s not on the list of things that didn’t occur to me, because it did. I just didn’t make them big enough. I’m correcting all these things and getting ready to try Lulu Book Revision 2. I expect this one to look nicer, but there will probably be a couple more iterations before it’s ready to go.

For anyone who’s waiting with bated breath for this to be ready (i.e., no one), I’ll drop you a teensy tidbit … it’s a vampire novel set in the mid or late 90s. It was actually written in the early 90s, but later updated to account for the newfound popularity of cell phones. (I am not, however, going to be updating it to account for wireless Internet, camera phones, etc. I have to draw the line somewhere.)

my diry of destrukshun

hello nice reederz its dennis the vizsla dog hay gess whut my dada is giving me my own blog isnt that neet its at http://dennisthevizsla.wordpress.com so yoo can follow all my ad … advench … all the trouble i get in ther now i mite even let tucker and trixie and even dada rite sumthing ther becuz thats the kind of dog i am ennyway see yoo over at the new site ill be ther licking myself ok bye

That First Step Is A Lulu

So seeing as the mainstream publishing world has never quite known what to do with me — I have a portfolio of rejection letters eight inches thick full of comments like “highly enjoyable but we have no idea how to market it” and “skillfully written, but not everyone wants to read The Books of Blood by Clive Barker” (I used to get compared to Mr. Barker fairly regularly) — I’ve decided to bypass them and start publishing books myself, with the first one being that old standby, the vampire novel, coming soon via Lulu. Watch for Long Before Dawn to be available in the next few weeks.

I’ve set up a small homepage at Lulu which for now will serve as my main writing, media, and publishing-related site, although I’ll likely continue to cross-post material here … assuming Dennis lets me sit at the keyboard every now and then.

The Crows Caught Up With Me

I’m not sure if they’re looking for royalties from A Flock of Crows is Called a Murder (hey, guys, I made hardly any money off it), or if they want to have a chat with me about how the crows were portrayed (call my agent … oh, wait, I don’t have one anymore), or if there’s just a lot of yummy garbage in the neighborhood.  Let’s hope it’s that last one.

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“Me and the boys would like to talk with you about that book you named after us …”

Nuts A-Poppin

So last night I cooked chestnuts in the toaster oven. Evidently you’re supposed to cut an “X” in them before you roast them, and if you don’t, they eventually start exploding, spraying shrapnel (bits of shell and meat) over a wide area. Who knew? (Besides the instruction label on the container, I mean. But who reads those things?)
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New Story Available at Amazon.com

Hey, look, I’m using the blog for its original purpose!  Don’t worry, though, this is just a temporary digression before we return to the regularly scheduled adventures of Dennis the Menace.

I have a new fantasy story available at Amazon.com.  This one is called “Comfort” and it’s about the winter siege of a castle high in the mountains.  It’s not horror, but don’t worry, plenty of people still die.

OpenDNS To The Rescue

So last night in the midst of the usual connection slowdown, I decided to take matters into my own hands and switched the router over to use OpenDNS servers instead of Cox DNS servers. The time to establish connections to sites immediately improved and there were no further timeouts. We will see how it works tonight.

The reason I suspected a DNS issue was because (as Cox determined) the modem signal was fine, and all the speed tests — when they would run — reported normal or near-normal download speeds even while sites were completely failing to load. The main issue we were having was that it was really slow to start a session with a new site, often timing out or giving “address not found” errors on the first try but working on the second or third. Once on a site, things were generally reasonably quick. This suggested that the difficulty was in either resolving the host name (i.e., turning “yahoo.com” into Yahoo’s IP address) or in negotiating the initial TCP connection (i.e., getting “directions” from here to Yahoo). Reasoning that Cox’s DNS servers might be saturated by the kid next door downloading porn, I took them out of the equation. So far it seems to have worked.

So go ahead, kid. Download the entire Star Wars series and every episode of Family Guy. See if we care.

Peak Time

So lately our cable broadband has been getting really slow in the evenings, starting around 6pm. In the morning it flies (18mb download speeds according to DSL Reports speed test), but come prime time, pages won’t load, valid addresses are not found, form submits time out — we’re talking narrowband stuff here, like a 28.8 modem from 1994. We don’t have anything better to do in the evenings than surf the Internet (except when we’re at the Arthur Murray or Dance North County) so this is kind of annoying.

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How To Hand Out Halloween Candy

So Halloween came and went, and we didn’t get as many trick-or-treaters (hereafter known as TOTs) as I was expecting, given the numbers of kids that seem to be running around the neighborhood on any given day. There is a possibility that our dogs–who bark like lunatics every time someone comes to the door, let alone a group of six or seven someones dressed like axe-wielding maniacs, fairy princesses, and various forms of licensed merchandise–kept some of the TOTs away. I definitely heard some screaming and running off down the driveway when the dogs started up. (Dennis the rescue vizsla didn’t bark all that much, but he was watching the other two and taking notes.)

So anyway, here’s the proper way to hand out Halloween candy. First, buy extra bags. Then, hand out the candy in ascending order of how much you like it; this way you’re left with a bag of Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups instead of a bag of Honey Bunches O’ Angry Ants or whatever.

Oh, and give extra candy to the TOTs who say “thank you”. Even goblins can learn to be polite.

“A Flock of Crows” Reissued

The reissue of “A Flock of Crows is Called a Murder” is now available from Amazon.com. Now you can get it for $15.99 instead of paying $40 for an out-of-print copy. And there was much rejoicing …