Neither A Review Of “Breaking Bad” Nor Of “Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen”

So as everyone knows, for the past several months we’ve been binge-watching “Breaking Bad” (which, for us, means watching one to one-and-a-half episodes a night). Sadly, we have recently come to the end of the series. Season Five started out a bit slow, and introduced some new characters, which caused a very slight and temporary slump in interest.

Wife: “Who are these people? I don’t care about them!”

However things quickly picked up and the second, final half of Season Five proved to be quite the roller coaster leading to the grand finale. Two of the episodes leading up to the finale, “To’hajiilee” and “Ozymandias“, are quite possibly the best episodes of any television show I’ve ever seen. At one point in “Ozymandias”, I’m pretty sure something like this occurred:

Wife (covering eyes): “Aaaaiiiieeeee!!!”

I may be paraphrasing a bit there. In any case, once we had seen all the episodes there were to see, we proceeded to watch the “Breaking Bad” episode of “Mythbusters” (in which Vince Gilligan suggested that the bathtub in the infamous hydrofluoric acid scene may have been made of soft cheese), and I sent my wife the spoiler-laden profile of Bryan Cranston from the September 2013 issue of The New Yorker, entitled “The One Who Knocks”, so she could have a little more “Breaking Bad”-related material to consume. All of which reminds me of Marge’s testimony in a certain episode of “The Simpsons”, after she and Homer get thrown out of an all-you-can-eat seafood restaurant due to Homer’s being an infernal eating machine.

Lionel Hutz: Now, Mrs. Simpson, tell the court in your own words what happened after you and your husband were ejected out of the restaurant.
Marge: Well, we pretty much went straight home.
Lionel Hutz: Mrs. Simpson, remember that you are under oath.
Marge: We drove around until three in the morning looking for another open all-you-can-eat seafood restaurant.
Lionel Hutz: And when you couldn’t find one?
Marge: [crying] We… went… fishing.
Lionel Hutz: Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, do these sound like the actions of a man whose had ALL he could eat?

Does my wife sound like someone who has had all the “Breaking Bad” she could watch? No! But nevertheless, “Breaking Bad” is dead. Long live the next “Breaking Bad”.

Wife: “Evenings are boring without Walt and Jesse. Can you find me another show as good as ‘Breaking Bad’?”

No pressure! Now, I previously mentioned that while we were watching “Breaking Bad”, my wife wasn’t interested in watching anything else, so I had loaded up the queue with movies I knew (or at least, suspected) she wouldn’t enjoy. The last such movie was the rather poorly-reviewed “Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen“. What was that movie like? Well, it was kind of like this:

Wife: “There sure is a lot of stuff blowing up in this movie.”
Me: “Yeah. I have no idea which robot is which or what the hell is going on. I can barely tell the human characters apart and they’re all idiots.” (Pause) “Is this what most movies are like for you?”
Wife: “Pretty much, yes.”

My wife did not actually watch any of “Revenge of the Fallen” until about the last twenty minutes, when she wandered in and sat down on the couch.

Wife: “There’s still a lot of stuff blowing up. Do you know what’s going on yet?”
Me: “Not really. I can’t tell any of the robots apart. I think that one is Optimus Prime. These are the worst fight scenes ever.”
Wife: “Why are you still watching it then?”
Me: “I heard the sequel ‘Dark of the Moon’ is better and I have to watch this one so I’ll know what’s going on in the next one.”
Wife: “But you just said you don’t even know what’s going on in this one.”
Me (pause): “You make a good point …”

Approximately ten seconds later, my wife was asleep, which makes “Revenge of the Fallen” possibly the Worst. Movie. Ever. But after all, when it comes to “Breaking Bad” …

Except maybe for this:

Me (to wife): “Hey, did you know Walter White is going to be in that ‘Godzilla’ movie this summer … ?”

8 thoughts on “Neither A Review Of “Breaking Bad” Nor Of “Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen”

  1. You know Godzilla is going to be awesome! There was a bit of mourning here after Breaking Bad was over, but someone here will watch anything if it’s on TV. If there were a show about paint drying on the wall and he hadn’t seen it, he’d watch it. I still say The Following is one heck of a ride. It’s different from Breaking Bad, but pretty darned intense.


  2. No more Breaking Bad is a sad thing, but at least it ended before it jumped the shark, right?
    I’d be interested to know how long the Mrs. lasts with Gravity. Things blow up, people bounce off of stuff, oxygen tanks run low. Of course if you really want to put her to sleep, try The Last Days on Mars – which actually should have been The Last DAY on Mars since the whole thing takes place the day leading up to the evacuation, but what’s a plural v. singular mistake when you’ve got almost kind of zombies chasing people in space suits (the people, not the zombies, who, of course used to be people but no longer are, really, except maybe they are, just a little).

    Mango Momma


  3. P.S. I rated The Last Days on Mars 2 stars meaning I watched the whole thing and wished I’d been doing just about anything else by the end. Not even going to try Transformers. Seriously?


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