So this week I’m reading Queen of the Tearling, by Erika Johanson, because the Calibre Random Book Picker told me to, and I already paid a buck ninety-nine for it a while ago, and Mango Momma advised me too late that I should read the reviews, which to be fair are mostly favorable, except when they’re scathing. (Seriously, read the scathing review — it’s one of the funniest I’ve seen since Meg took down Legon Awakening, a book I didn’t even manage to finish. Go ahead, I’ll wait.)

Are you back? Are you going to read Queen of the Tearling based on that review? No? That’s okay. I’m reading it for you.

Carlin had told her that all of her mother’s family had the same cat-green eyes. But her face was as round and ruddy as a tomato, and–there was no other word for it–plain.

Some might even say her eyes were “chatoyant”. I wouldn’t, but some would. Anyway this is at least the third or fourth time we’ve heard how plain our heroine is, so I can only assume that by the end of the book she will have had a total makeover and get will asked to the prom by Freddie Prinze, Jr.

Meanwhile, back in the land of editing Television Man, Bob is in trouble again. But then, when isn’t he?

Bob tossed his satchel onto the examination table―it landed across Zane’s face, making him look like some sort of duffel-bag-headed scarecrow―and rifled through it, looking for anything useful. Garlic and crosses and holy water and seriously, what the fuck, Toomes? Where were the weapons?