Still Not A Review Of “Game of Thrones”

So we’re still watching “Game of Thrones”, and since we’re only partway through Season 3, will be for a while longer. At this point, I’m pretty sure that my wife has gotten into the show. How can I tell, you ask?

Me (discovering my wife on the sofa in the living room at nearly 10 o’clock, after getting home from the studio): “What are you doing?”
Wife: “I thought you* were going to watch ‘Game of Thrones’.”
Me: (looks pointedly at clock)
Wife (disappointed): “Oh, I guess it’s kind of late.”
Me: “Yeah it is. I’m glad you like the show though.”
Wife: “I do, but they could have made it with half the violence.”
Me: “Well HBO wants to make sure we get our money’s worth. Anyway we could watch an episode but you’ll be asleep in ten minutes.”
Wife: “No, I’m awake.”
Me: “Then I’ll be asleep in ten minutes.”

If my wife is asking about watching TV at 9:50pm, that must mean something.

Despite having taken an interest in the show, she’s still having a little difficulty keeping everyone straight. In a program with as many characters as “Game of Thrones”, where the same person might get called by various names and titles at various times, this is understandable.

Me: (makes reference to Daenerys while one of her scenes is on)
Wife: “Who’s Daenerys?”
Me (points at screen): “She is.”
Wife: “I thought that was Khaleesi.”
Me: “Well it is. That’s not her name, though, it’s one of her titles. Khaleesi, Mother of Dragons, Breaker of―”
Wife: “But everyone calls her ‘Khaleesi’ all the time.”
Me: “Well you know. You don’t just go around calling the Queen by her first name.”

Me: “Do you have a favorite character yet?”
Wife: “Probably the one with Needle who got the haircut to look like a boy.”

Wife (re: Jorah Mormont): “That guy looks he wandered in from ‘Indiana Jones’.”

Wife (after Cersei and Lancel have been in bed together): “Who’s that?”
Me: “That’s Lancel. He’s her cousin.”
Wife: “She’s sleeping with her cousin, too?”
Me: “Well, by Cersei’s standards, they’re practically unrelated.”

Watching “GoT” is also good for one’s medieval vocabulary, as in the following exchange. Note: I often have subtitles on for “GoT”, because of (1) thick accents, (2) mumbling actors and hushed conversations, and (3) Dennis complaining that no one is paying attention to him while the show is on.

Barristan Selmy (to Dany): “There are sellswords in Pentos and Myr and Tyrosh you can hire.”
Wife: “Wait, what? Sellswords? Is that like a writer?”
Me: “Yes, Dany is going to invade Westeros with an army of authors. They’ll bore her enemies to death.”
Wife: “What is it really?”
Me: “Sell swords―he wants her to hire mercenaries instead of buying slaves.”
Wife: “I’ve never heard that term before.”
Me: “That’s because you don’t read enough fantasy novels.”

My wife has expressed concern about the effect of all this inbreeding on the Westeros gene pool. Hello, Peacock family!

Wife (while Margaery is arranging for Sansa to marry Margaery’s brother Loras): “What’s she trying to do, exactly?”
Me: “Margaery wants Sansa to marry her brother.”
Wife: “Why, so they can have creepy demented kids like Joffrey?”
Me: “Oh, she doesn’t want Sansa to marry Robb; she wants Sansa to marry Loras. Margaery’s brother.” (pause) “But I can see why you might think that given everything else going on in the show.”

She has also made note of the double standard that seems to be applied to a certain character of a certain stature, which offends her sense of fairness:

Cersei calls Tyrion a liar
Me: “Do remember Tyrion ever actually telling a lie so far?”
Wife: “No. She tells lies all the time, though.”

Tywin Lannister (speaking to Tyrion): “You are an ill-made, spiteful little creature full of envy, lust, and low cunning. Men’s laws give you the right to bear my name and display my colors since I cannot prove that you are not mine. And to teach me humility, the gods have condemned me to watch you waddle about wearing that proud lion that was my father’s sigil and his father’s before him. But neither gods nor men will ever compel me to let you turn Casterly Rock into your whorehouse.”
Wife (snorts): “They’re all sleeping with whores. What makes Tyrion any worse than the rest of them?”

One thing my wife likes to see in a show is strong female characters. “Game of Thrones” has a number of those, even if it’s a little hard to keep track of them, and even if not all of them are exactly admirable.

Wife: “What’s the name of the blonde-haired warrior lady?”
Me: “You mean Brienne?”
Wife (counting on fingers): “Brienne, dragon lady―Danielle, Dan―”
Me: “Daenerys.”
Wife (still counting on fingers): “and ……” (looks at me)
Me: “Arya?”
Wife (starts over counting on fingers): “Brienne, Daenerys, and Arya. Those are the three strongest female characters.”
Me (about to say something): “Wh―”
Wife: “The strongest positive female characters. Not counting evil wench mother** there.”

Speaking of the dragon lady, my wife seems to have already found someone to support in the 2020 election.

Wife (after Dany frees the Unsullied and destroys the slavers of Astapor): “Okay, I want her to be President.”

In that desire, it seems, she is not alone.

Sadly, neither Dany nor Tyrion is a natural-born American citizen, so they can’t run for president. And of course, they’re fictional, which doesn’t help.

Then again, maybe it does.

*  Yes, I’m going to watch “Game of Thrones”; my wife is just an innocent bystander.
** Cersei, in case you were wondering.