Not A Review Of “Jurassic World”

So this week we’ve been watching “Jurassic World“, in which things get a little out of hand at the Wild Animal Park Safari Park Jurassic Park Jurassic World theme park, a lovely place which looks like someone put the Safari Park and Sea World together in a tumbler, shook it up, and poured the resulting slurry out into a Hawaiian valley.  The cause of the chaos this time is not a hurricane or corporate espionage, but rather, some overly ambitious genetic engineering combined with generally poor animal husbandry and a door that could maybe have been reinforced a little better. This all leads up to a designersaurus that’s much smarter and more versatile than it should be, which uses its mad skilz to escape its enclosure and go marauding.  Hilarity ensues.  And by “hilarity” I mean “lots of people getting eaten by dinosaurs”.

jurassic_world_gate
Abandon all hope, ye who enter here.*
*Does not apply to Chris Pratt or Bryce Dallas Howard

Continue reading “Not A Review Of “Jurassic World””

Not A Review Of “Avengers: Age of Ultron”

So this week we (meaning I) finally got around to watching “Avengers: Age of Ultron“.

AgeOfUltron
Q: How many Avengers does it take to stop one renegade robot?
A: All of them, plus a few extra.

Continue reading “Not A Review Of “Avengers: Age of Ultron””

Not A Review Of “Birdman”

So over the last week or so we watched the film “Birdman“, in which Michael Keaton plays a washed-up actor who used to play an avian-themed superhero named Batman Birdman.

Birdman
Not “Batman”. Also not “Jackie Brown”. Also not “The Paper”. Also not …

Continue reading “Not A Review Of “Birdman””

Not A Review Of “Léon: The Professional“

So having recently achieved an unexpectedly positive response to the Luc Besson film “Lucy” — my wife stayed awake for fully 45 minutes! — I decided to bump up another Besson film that had been languishing for a while towards the bottom of the queue:  “Léon: The Professional“.

"Why yes, I do have the coolest shades ever.  Thanks for asking."
“Why yes, I do have the coolest shades ever. Thanks for asking.”

Continue reading “Not A Review Of “Léon: The Professional“”