Not A Review Of “Jurassic World”

So this week we’ve been watching “Jurassic World“, in which things get a little out of hand at the Wild Animal Park Safari Park Jurassic Park Jurassic World theme park, a lovely place which looks like someone put the Safari Park and Sea World together in a tumbler, shook it up, and poured the resulting slurry out into a Hawaiian valley.  The cause of the chaos this time is not a hurricane or corporate espionage, but rather, some overly ambitious genetic engineering combined with generally poor animal husbandry and a door that could maybe have been reinforced a little better. This all leads up to a designersaurus that’s much smarter and more versatile than it should be, which uses its mad skilz to escape its enclosure and go marauding.  Hilarity ensues.  And by “hilarity” I mean “lots of people getting eaten by dinosaurs”.

So far I would say that this film is not as good as the first one, somewhat better than the second one, and way, way, waaaay better than the third one.  (I’m looking at you, idiotic “use raptor skull as a harmonica” scene.)  The special effects, of course, are much improved, the dinosaurs are bigger and badder, and, oh, the velociraptors may be the good guys.  What?!

Yes, you read that right!  It seems that since the park reopened, Chris Pratt has been clicker training the raptors to get them to follow instructions.  Or at least, he’s been making lots of clicking noises …

Chris Pratt on TV:  “Hey velociraptors!”  Click click click click!  “Good velociraptors!”  Click click click click click!
Wife:  “Oh my God.  He’s doing that all wrong.  He’s using the clicker to get their attention and clicking it like a million times.”
CPoTV:  Click click click click click!
Me:  “If he wants to get their attention he’d probably have better luck with an air horn.”
Wife:  “All that budget money, you’d think they could’ve done a little research.”

Yep, neither one of us has the slightest issue with reconstructed and GMO dinosaurs running around, or with spherical gyroscopic cars, or with a humongous non-impact-resistant pteranodon aviary, but mess up something like clicker training (or waltz hold) and one or both of us will be all over you.

As it turns out, my wife is far from the first to take exception with the way “Jurassic World” portrayed clicker training.  A representative smattering:

• Clicking Dinosaurs
• How to Clicker Train a Raptor
• Some Suggestions for the Dinosaur Whisperer
• How To Clicker Train Your Pup Better Than a Jurassic World Raptor
• Chris Pratt and the Clicker

And of course:

Well, okay, that last one isn’t related to clicker training, but I still like it.

Anyhow, we’re not quite finished with the film, and I’m still anticipating some major dinosaur mayhem in the final 45 minutes or so.  Should be epic.  Maybe even as epic as this:

But probably not.