Teaser Tuesday 2/23/2016: “Wolves of the Northern Rift”

So this week I’m reading Wolves of the Northern Rift, by Jon Messenger.

My dogs and I would like a word with you.

The dogs and I would like a word with you.

Now this is a steampunk/fantasy mashup in which giant zeppelins, intricate clockwork machinery, and anachronistic technology collide with enchanted communication pentagrams, monster-spewing magical rifts, and angry rifle-toting werewolves. With ballroom dancing:

“Quit struggling, unless you want to draw the attention of every person in this room,” Simon warned. “If you wish to remain inconspicuous, you’ll do exactly as I say.”

Simon stepped back, pressing on the small of her back as he did so. She obliged, taking a step forward, beginning a slow waltz with him on the far corner of the dance floor.

“Are you going to kill me?” the redhead asked nervously.

“You’ve hardly given me good cause to kill you. Is there a reason I should be considering that course of action?”

The woman shook her head slowly.

Simon took her right hand and placed in on his shoulder. Taking her left hand, he held it properly out to the side so they looked more like a formally dancing couple.

What?! No no no no no! That is not a proper waltz frame. The lady’s left hand goes on the gentleman’s shoulder, and the lady’s right hand, held in the gentleman’s left, is extended to the side. This reminds me of the well-known painting “The Singing Butler“, which I do otherwise like and would probably have as a print, except that the dance hold is reversed and drives me absolutely around the bend every time I look at it.

Dance Frame: You Are Doing It Wrong

Dance Frame: You Are Doing It Wrong

Yes, that’s right: I have no problem accepting the zeppelins or the magical rift or the pentagram Internet or the werewolf marksmen, but one line of incorrect dance hold and I completely lose my shit. Maybe it’s because we’ve spent so long working on our frame.

DanceHold

Anyway, Simon’s attempt to avoid drawing attention utterly fails, as the couple is momentarily set upon by a small army of guards, so evidently I’m not the only one who noticed that he doesn’t know what the hell he’s doing out there.

Meanwhile, editing on Television Man continues to slouch towards completion, in between large projects at work, taking a certain red dog to rehab, and entertaining a certain little red puppy who’s not so little anymore …

“She’s the key to it,” Paltruck said. “Her psychic power add to his will let him take the rest of us. I got her away from him by breaking the fourth wall―”

Bob said: “What the fuck is the fourth wall?”

Hey Bob, if you have questions about breaking the fourth wall, I know a guy who can help …

DeadpoolYellowBoxes

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