Not A Review Of “The Tailor of Panama”

So this week we watched “The Tailor of Panama“, an adaptation (or maybe distillation) of the John le Carré novel of the same name.

The name’s Osnard. Andy Osnard.

As is customary, I popped in the movie without informing my wife what it was.

Wife (peers at screen, sees Pierce Brosnan): “Is this a James Bond movie?”
Me: “No. He is playing a spy, though.”

As far as my wife is concerned, the James Bond franchise started and ended with Pierce Brosnan, much like the Marvel Cinematic Universe begins and ends with Tony Stank Stark.  So I thought she might be interested in “The Tailor of Panama”, given Brosnan’s major presence in it; but, eh, not so much.

Me: “Are you paying any attention to this?”
Wife: “Not really.”
Me: “But Pierce Brosnan.”
Wife: “I’m looking at him every few minutes. I don’t need to follow the storyline to do that.”

Although she mostly ignored the plot, she did at one point take note of the haberdashery.

Wife: “Is he [Pierce Brosnan] wearing linen pants?”
Me: “Probably. This is set in Panama. It’s hot there.”
Wife: “They look comfortable.”

Uh-huh. Sure they do.

Anyway, despite the best efforts of Pierce Brosnan and his linen pants, “The Tailor of Panama” put my wife to sleep in about half an hour; apparently le Carré’s slow-burn, satirical, basically hero-less story failed to seize her interest the way that James Bond in a fast car racing away from exploding buildings used to. Better luck next time, Mr. Steele.

Oh, by the way, the astute reader may remember that in last week’s Teaser Tuesday, for King of Thieves, I mentioned that the starship had a Canadian chief of engineering named Doohan (who even has a sidekick named Scot!) and expressed the hope that at some point somebody would ask him to defy the laws of physics. In that, I was not disappointed.

“Any time you’re ready,” Morgan said tersely, listening to the sound of his ship creaking around him. Sounds that no spacecraft should ever make were echoing in his ears, and he very much wanted them to stop.

“Roger that, Skipper,” Andrea said, tapping in a command. “Engineering, the captain is getting impatient up here.”

They could all hear Doohan’s snort over the comm. “Tell him that the laws of physics operate on their own schedule, Andy. He can sooner order the moon blue than change ’em.”

Andrea flushed slightly. “We’re on an open comm, Chief. You just told him yourself.”

Ah, Captain Morgan. Ye cannae change the laws of physics.

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