Not A Review Of “Captain America: Civil War”

So this week, we watched “Captain America: Civil War“, AKA “The One Where Everybody Fights Everybody Else”.

My wife was recovering from a stomach bug at the time, so I didn’t expect her to stay awake for very long.  This expectation was realized.  However, she did make it through a few scenes, including the initial running battle between the Avengers and a gang of terrorists, which led her to this observation:

Wife: “There sure is a lot of stuff blowing up.”

Nevertheless, she did manage to sort of pay attention to the entire fight, which I suspect had something to do with the presence of Black Widow and the Scarlet Witch, both of whom kicked major amounts of ass.  She may also be a fan (without really knowing it) of Scarlett Johansson, who was, of course, the title character in “Lucy“, a film which, astonishingly enough, held my wife’s attention for nearly an hour.

But anyway, the real reason she stayed awake for “Civil War” for as long as she did (which was maybe half an hour) was because of who showed up after the initial fight scene wrapped up:

Wife (suddenly paying attention): “What’s his name?”
Me: “His real name, or who he’s playing?”
Wife: “Who he’s playing.”
Me: “Tony Stark.”
Wife: “Tony Stark.  What’s his real name?”
Me: “Robert Downey, Jr.”
Wife: “Some day I’ll remember that.”
(a little while passes)
Wife: “Tony Downey, Jr.?”
Me: “Robert.”

Once Robert/Tony was off-screen, she lost interest again, and as she was still not feeling well she decided to go lie down.

Me: “Do you want me to pause this?”
Wife: “I’m not really following it.  All I know is Tony Stark is in it, stuff blew up, and there are a bunch of super-heroes who feel guilty because people died.”
Me: “Really?  That’s all that happened so far?”
Wife: “Am I wrong?”
Me (pause): “Well, no …”

And, a little later:

(Building explodes)
Me: “Hey, in case you’re interested, more stuff just blew up.”
Wife: “Yeah, I heard it.”

Well, you know how it is.  You can never have too many explosions.

The following day, I did play the scene for her where (uh, spoiler alert?) Tony Stark visits Peter Parker, seeking to recruit him for Team Tony.  She used to be a fan of Tobey Maguire’s Spider-Man and I thought she might be interested in seeing the new kid who’s portraying him in reboot #2.  However, she was unimpressed.

Wife: “I like Tony Stack or whoever he is better than Peter Parker.”

I told her not to worry.  She isn’t the only one who keeps getting Tony’s name wrong.