Dream A Ladle Dream Of Poo

So those who have been around here for a while may remember that, ever since The Event, I have had dream problems, said problems being that instead of the massively cinematic sorts of dreams I used to have, now, for the most part, I don’t remember my dreams at all, and when I do, they are sooooo boring and mundane I can hardly stand it. One of my most infamous (to me) boring dreams was one where my wife and I were sitting at an outdoor cafe. That’s it, we were just sitting there. We didn’t have food or drinks. And in the dream, I had just decided to order a scone when the owners of the cafe told us we had to leave because we hadn’t ordered anything.

Recently, a new record in absurdly boring remembered snippets of a dream was achieved when I dreamed I was scooping out the cat pan. That’s it. The only thing about the dream that was different was the litter scoop I was using, which kind of looked like a ladle, and which worked better than the scoops we have now because the holes were bigger and the litter fell through it more easily*. When I told my wife about this dream, she tried to look on the bright side.

Wife: “Well, maybe it was boring, but at least you remember it.”

This occurred overnight on Labor Day. Well, Labor Day being one of those rare holidays that I actually get off work, we spent it on leisurely activities such as reading and taking the dogs to the park**, but before that, we went out for coffee at a nearby Coffee Bean. And then, because the Coffee Bean happened to be just a few doors up from Dexter’s Deli, we decided to head over there. And what did they have at Dexter’s Deli? Ladle-shaped litter scoops with bigger holes than the scoops we had at home, including this one:

Wife: “It’s the litter pan scoop of your dreams! I’m going to tell Jamie*** about this.”
Me: “You are not!”

Anyway, I ended up buying that purple-handled ladle-shaped scoop, and am now mainly using that one instead of the ones with the narrow slots that I’ve been using for the last, oh, seven years or so, and it’s a lot easier to sift out the bits that need to go from the bits that need to stay.

Wife: “Well, your dreams may be boring now, but at least they’re prophetic.”
Me: “Yeah … If I dream about lottery numbers, I’ll let you know.”

No lottery numbers have come to me in my sleep yet, but hey, a guy can dream, right? Right?

* We use compressed wood pellets (for animal bedding, not for stoves) as cat litter, where we add water and it crumbles to powder. There are always some pellets that are still roughly pellet-shaped, but they break down over time with exposure to, uh, additional fluids, thus making more litter, until it’s time to change the entire pan.
** Well, I mean, that’s what we did after getting caught up on yardwork and other household chores …
*** A longtime employee of Dexter’s Deli who to this day remembers that you had to give Tucker treats with an open hand or he would take your fingers off.