Random Rejection: Design Image Group, “The Exclusive”

I haven’t done a random rejection in a while, so here’s one from 1998 from the Design Image Group.  DIG was active in book publishing in the mid-to-late 1990s and I tried a number of times to get something going with them, coming closest with “The Exclusive”, a vampire story that I originally posted here back in 2007.  I did eventually get it published in a webzine (I was an early webzine contributor), where it won a reader’s choice award for the issue.  But still, it would have been nice to see it in DIG’s anthology, which was released in December 1998 as Kiss of Death.

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Short Story: The Patter of Little Feet

No random rejections, reviews, or scans of early childhood scribblings this week — it’s the last day of my vacation! But rather than let Sunday go home empty-handed from Scribblings, here’s a randomly selected short story from the unpublished archives. Any resemblance to Night at the Museum is purely coincidental, as this story predates it by many years; any resemblance to the “Zuni Fetish Doll” episode of the old Trilogy of Terror television movie, on the other hand, is less coincidental, although I play the scenario more for comedy than for horror.

One interesting thing about this story is its reliance on the Internet for a few plot points, making it probably one of the first stories I wrote that did so.  Another issue that befell this story is that, as I used to do with all my books and stories, it was originally stored in Microsoft Binder format — a format that has since been abandoned.  Although there is an extractor that is supposed to be able to pull the contents of a Binder file out into their component files, it didn’t work all that well on this file, and I was forced to reconstruct it by looking at the binary (gibberish-filled) Binder file itself, and piece the story together that way.  I think I got all of it, but I’m not completely sure (although I do know that the ending that’s there is original and complete). The moral of this story is to be wary of weird minor proprietary file formats, or else to make sure you always keep (and can run) a copy of the original software that created the files.

And now for our feature presentation, “The Patter of Little Feet”!

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Random Rejection: Mindmares

This week’s random rejection comes to us from the small press magazine Mindmares.  The story in question, “Feeder”, is about how much May loves her sweet little birds, and the lengths to which she goes to provide them with yummy suet.  Given that this story comes out of my splatterpunk days, you can sort of imagine how she goes about it.

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Stumbling Into The Horror Field

In the comments for my “Pinch Bobby ‘Til He Bleeds” post, Almostgotit asked how I got into writing horror and why I got out.  Like many things in life, I just sort of stumbled into it, but getting out again was a little more complicated.

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Random Rejection: Pulp Magazine

This week’s rejection “letter” can’t really be called a letter.  To me, it looks more like a sign that you might see posted on the telephone pole outside your house advertising a garage sale, except in this case, it’s advertising that your submission will not be appearing in Pulp Magazine.

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Random Rejection: E-scape, “Comfort”

I got started submitting to online magazines way before they became mainstream, and had a number of short stories published by e-zines. E-scape, however, was not one of them, as they declined to accept my short story “Comfort”.

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The Early Years: “Win! Win! Win! Win!!!!!!!”

When I was little, I watched a lot of cartoons. (I’m sure you’re all astonished.) One of my favorites from when I was around seven years old was “Wacky Races” (in reruns — I’m not THAT old). “Wacky Races” was of course inspired by the film “The Great Race”, which is similar to the other film “It’s A Mad Mad Mad Mad World”, which is very much like “The Gumball Rally”, which directly leads to “The Cannonball Run”, which is largely responsible both for the collapse of the Soviet Union and the decline and fall of Western civilization. But I digress.

Anyway, I had clearly just finished up a “Wacky Races” marathon when I banged out this little gem:

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Random Rejection: The Missouri Review

In keeping with the I can’t believe I ever submitted to them theme of my last random rejection, this morning I reached into my vast file of “go away scum” letters and pulled out a rejection from The Missouri Review:

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A Portrait of the Artist as a (Very) Young Man

So my parents like to find old examples of things I wrote when I was a kid and send them to me, just to remind me that I, too, was once a child.  I thought it might be interesting to post one or two of them.  With that in mind, I present my classic tale of horror and suspense, “The Great Beast Invasion”.  If we assume that the date in the story is about when the story was written (which it probably is, given that kids are pretty much creatures of the “now” — just like dogs!), then I would’ve been six when I scribbled down this masterpiece.

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Random Acceptance: “Suicide Corners”

It had to happen eventually … I reached into my nine-inch-thick folder of responses and pulled out an acceptance letter.  But this one has a twist.

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