Still Not A Review Of “Battlestar Galactica”

So we’re in the home stretch of the “Battlestar Galactica” reboot now, nearly halfway through season 4. And by “we” I mean “me”, as my wife has more or less tuned “BSG” out at this point, except for some of the scenes where Al from “Quantum Leap”* (AKA Dean Stockwell) shows up, and the occasional conversation like this that ensues if she happens to be awake when I start an episode:

(BSG theme music begins to play)
Wife (perking up): “Is this ‘Firefly'”?
Me: “No, this is ‘Battlestar Galactica’.”
Wife (disappointed): “Oh. That’s still going on?”**

My wife remains scandalized that we live in a world where Fox canceled “Firefly” before it finished a single season, yet “BSG” dragged on and on for four years. I can’t say that she’s off base on that one. “BSG”‘s notorious use of a certain bowdlerized expletive is another strike against it in her book:

Wife: “Why do they keep saying ‘frak’?
Me: “Because it was on SciFi*** and they couldn’t say the ‘other’ F-word.”
Wife: “That’s so stupid. ‘Frak’ this, ‘frak’ that. As if anybody doesn’t know what they mean? It really bugs me.”
Me: “Well, you could make it a drinking game. Every time somebody says ‘frak’ you take a shot.”****
Wife: “Or they could just stop saying it.”

“Breaking Bad” famously was allowed to deploy one F-bomb per season (although the “Every F-Bomb In ‘Breaking Bad’” compilation video on YouTube seems to contain more F-Bombs than “Breaking Bad” had seasons), but apparently SciFi told BSG’s producers to go frak themselves.

Anyway in the final episode of season 3 of “BSG”, which we I recently watched, the Colonial fleet came under heavy attack by a small armada of Cylon Raiders and Base Stars. (Speaking of Cylons, did you know Boomer is one? It’s true!) In the ensuing battle, I was horrified that my favorite ship, the Zephyr, sustained what looked like catastrophic damage, leading to a conversation that went something like this:

Me: “Oh no!”
Wife: “What?”
Me: “The Cylons are blowing up my favorite ship in the fleet!”
Wife: “You have a favorite ship?”
Me: “Yes.”
Wife: “Do you have a favorite character?”
Me: “Um …”*****
Wife: “And that’s what’s wrong with this show.”

But, seriously, the Zephyr is the coolest ship in the fleet. It has a spinning outer gravity ring and everything.

The rag-tag Colonial fleet attempts to merge onto the hyperspace bypass.

I’m pretty sure I’ll be more upset if the Zephyr gets blown up than if any particular character gets killed — and characters are getting killed with increasing frequency. Stay safe, Zephyr!

* Minus the cigar and the helpful advice and the handheld Ziggy interface, but still often wearing a hat.

** Yes it is, at least until October 1st, at which point Netflix is going to be losing its license to stream “Battlestar Galactica”. Egad, and I still have 14 episodes left to watch! Which, incidentally, is the exact same number of episodes of “Firefly” that were ever made, not counting the movie. I’m sure this is Fox’s fault somehow.

*** I will NOT call it “SyFy”. That’s not even a frakking abbreviation for anything.

**** Such a drinking game does, of course, already exist.

***** On reflection, I do have a favorite character after all, even though he’s a minor recurring one. Paging Doc Cottle! Doc Cottle to sick bay!

♫ It’s my sick bay and I’ll smoke if I want to, smoke if I want to, smoke if I want to … ♫

Hey, if you’d had to put up with the Tates and the Campbells, you would take up smoking and flee into outer space, too.

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