Not A Review Of “The Last Jedi”

Last week we (meaning I) finally got caught up on the current* state of “Star Wars” by watching The Last Jedi, AKA The One Where Luke Is Old And Grouchy And Chewbacca Eats A Porg.

Mmm, porgecue!

I always feel like Skywalker’s watching me

Now I kind of thought that having Rey as the lead character in the new “Star Wars” trilogy** might entice my wife into paying a little more attention to them than she normally does with this kind of film, but, not so much; so I can’t really use my typical rating system of how long the film took to put her asleep, because she more or less ignored it, except for a couple of scenes when the audio*** attracted her notice. For instance, when these guys showed up:

Wife: “Why do they sound like Chewbacca?”
Me: “Well, you got sounds, you might as well reuse them I guess.”
Wife: “Chewbacca donkeys.”

And, late in the film, during a climactic light sabre battle involving what looked like at least a dozen participants****:

Wife: “Whenever I see lightsabers now I expect to hear cello and violin music.”

This is, of course a reference to the epic Piano Guys clip, “Cello Wars”, a video which I would rate more highly than any of the second trilogy and more than a few of the other films in the “Star Wars” oeuvre.

And so we see that music is the mightiest weapon in the Galaxy. Except when played on an accordion.

Aside from when things got noisy, the only other time I really got her to look at the screen for a little while was during the first big scene involving Luke Skywalker.

“I’m getting to old for this … uh, wait, is this a ‘Star Wars’ movie? Stuff. That’s what I was going to say. Stuff.”

Me: “Look, that’s Luke Skywalker.”
Wife: “No it’s not.”
Me: “Yes it is.”
Wife: “But it’s not the original actor, right?”
Me: “Yeah it is actually.”
Wife: “Wow.”

Once again proving that Yoda was indeed the wisest character in all the movies:

*Solo is a prequel so it doesn’t count towards the current state of “Star Wars”.

**For those who are not up on the current films’ roster of characters, you can think of Rey as the new trilogy’s Luke Skywalker. Only female. And awesomer.

***Which I may have had turned up very loud …

****Whose identities I cannot reveal, because spoilers.

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