I Wasn’t Expecting A Blanket Label To Seem Kinda Wistful Today

So recently we acquired a new lightweight blanket for the bed:

This blanket, which has a ginkgo biloba leaf pattern, apparently came over on the boat directly from Korea, because the tags have virtually no English on them whatsoever:

Anyway, after cutting the tags off the blanket (so that the dogs didn’t notice them and remove them a little less carefully), I decided it might be interesting to point the translation app from my camera at them and see what they actually said. Or at least, what it thought they said; they kinda read like the poor translations you’d find in the instruction manuals for Japanese video games back in the late 80s/early 90s. Anyway, are you ready? Let’s go!

Here’s the alleged translation of the first tag:

Obviously on this label, where it says “Carefully selected from the production of excellent quality fluffy” is the best bit of information. Because you don’t want inferior quality fluffy, no sir. You want the best fluffy you can get.

And the second tag:

Things we learned from this second label:

• “Kimono Natural Salt” appears again, so I’ve concluded that must be the brand name in Korea; my wife’s theory is that the blanket comes from an area that’s noted for its kimonos and its salt.
• Cotton fiber is medium steel. Stopping bullets, oh yeah!
• It’s good to have a low hand-made miscellaneous ratio.
• Sleeping well is also good, and you should do it with kimo cotton.
• It apparently gets to 3,000 degrees in Korea? Or 3,000 lumens? Well, whatever that means, it’s the golden cultivation zone.

We also learned that, whoever designed this label, they’re kind of missing the good sunlight from when they were young. Aren’t we all, anonymous label designer? Aren’t we all.

Now, who’s up for a trip to the noodle house?