Spamcommentology: Your Moments of Zen

~ James Viscosi

So at first, we were getting all kinds of random spam at the blogs; then for a while we were getting AI spam, where something that seemed very much like an LLM would leave comments that were clearly spam, yet also were clearly in response to the post to which they were attached. After that, for some reason, we entered a joyful period of very little spam, a Pax Spamana if you will. And what have we got now? Well, now we have dozens of spam comments that are clearly being assembled out of random constituents, making them mostly gibberish, yet also, weirdly poetic, almost haiku-ish. Let’s take a look:

Dig if you will a picture of Robinson Crusoe strumming a ukulele and reading a blog on his phone.

You wouldn’t have to ride a Vespa that long to see three European countries, I guess. Some of them are pretty small.

Lions and tigers and blogs, oh my!

I beg your pardon, I never offered you a … strawberry garden?

I mean, the only book that could possibly have led to this website is one of mine, and I doubt that entailed many benefits. Except entertainment of course. 😉

Who among us hasn’t been invited on an excursion to see nice things in the vegetable garden? 🌶️🥕🥬🥦🥒🌽🥔🍅*

This one is very evocative. I’m picturing one of those crumbling windswept estates out on the moors, probably haunted. Be sure to keep an eye on where the dolls are positioned.

I guarantee you nobody reads blogs in clubs.

Now I need to write a short story called “The Many of Ancient Things” …

I have a girlfriend. She’s from Japan. You wouldn’t know her.

Goin’ back to Bali? I don’t think so.

You and Kerouac, Bokep Indo Terbaru Lokal. You and Kerouac.

My blog put you to sleep? Uh … You’re welcome, I guess.

Bein in a room with a girl you met in Vietnam: U R Doin It Wrong

No I will not spare you! I will make you read this blog a second time!

Priorities! First we swim, then we play with the family, and then we read the blog.

All the safaris that exist in this world, conveniently gathered in one place? I know where you went.

Free your mind, and the rest will follow.

I guess there were no magazines in there. Bonus: If you have your phone in the toilet with you, can call 911 right from there if necesary.

Oh, so that’s where I left it.

Fortunately, Memek had escaped the city in his very next spam comment.

I mean, we have two dogs and three cats and a carefully curated cobweb collection here. So it might provide useful information about to clean your dirty house if you were to see how we do it and then do the opposite.

Give a man a fish, and he will eat for a day. Distract a man from fishing, and … Wait, that’s not right.

If only there were some way to know when the sun was going to set. Perhaps some sort of a demarcation that it would approach. We could call it a “horizon”.

Please don’t stop to read blogs in the middle of the road. This has been a public service announcement.

Wow, your uncle sure is some kind of inconsiderate slacker.

And finally …

I have no idea why this post would be highly recommended for those of us who like sex. Maybe all the squeaking?

And there you have it, just a smattering of the kinds of dozens if not hundreds of spam comments that have been coming in for the last few weeks. I feel like somebody with more ambition than me could assemble these into a book of spam poems or something. Is spam copyrightable? Hmm … 🤔

* My apologies for disappointing everyone by leaving out the eggplant.

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Published by James Viscosi

13 thoughts on “Spamcommentology: Your Moments of Zen”

  7. I had to be careful with the coffee I was drinking….else it was going to be all over my laptop when I LOL’d and spat it out…while reading your blog….LOL, LOL, LOL!!!

    I get spam too, but only once in a while. The worst was the so and so who took my blog URL and hacked into it and posted his own junk there about bikes…sheesh! So now the only way I can access my own posts there is to back track from the one I currently use. (Ages ago, I had three blogs, one for the kitties, one for MJF and a combined one on WP as I do now. When I went to just one blogspot blog that is when the ‘fun’ started. Blogger/google did nothing to assist me to get my blog back. Phooey! )

    But now google decides that some comments are spam even though they are not. Even ones that were already published. So I have to go and check for that every day.

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    1. I know what you mean, I have to fish Rosy & Sunny’s comments out of spam at the animals’ blog every. Single. Time! Meanwhile, over here, I’ve got 68,000 comments in the trash based on rules I set up to automatically delete comments from our friends “Memek” and “Bopek”, among others. It’s the spammers’ world and we just live in it, I guess!

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  9. Pingback: That Crazy Bokep, Always Oversharing in the Spam Folder – Viscosity

  10. Few years back on the blog that’s deleted, I used to get around 100 comments in day in spam. And it was difficult to manage to see which are normal and spam when except 1 or 2 comment, every comment was spam.

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    1. I understand completely! I let mine get out of hand and now I have over 400,000 messages in trash, which WordPress is apparently incapable of emptying. I click “empty trash” when I remember and it deletes a few hundred before throwing an error, so I’ll probably be done cleaning that up sometime around 2050 …

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