Not A Review Of “Aquaman” (In 3D!)

So this weekend we finally got around to watching Aquaman (in 3D!) — no, not that Aquaman. Not that one either. This one:

aquaman
Under da sea!

Me: “Do you recognize Khal Drogo?”
Wife: “That’s Khal Drogo?”
Me: “Uh-huh.”
Wife (considering): “I like him better here. He does more than just grunt.”

The basic plot of Aquaman is that Khal Drogo, with the aid of 406 and the Green Goblin, attempts to wrest the crown of Atlantis from Nite Owl, who is being assisted by Ivan Drago. Or something like that. All you really need to know is there are people riding around on sharks and giant seahorses shooting underwater lasers.

Me: “So what do you think? He’s better than Aquaman from Super Friends, right?*
Wife: (blank look)
Me: “You didn’t watch Super Friends?”
Wife: “No.**
Me: “But you know what Super Friends was?***
Wife: “No.****

Trust me, he’s better than the Aquaman from Super Friends. But he’s still not good enough to keep my wife interested for two and a half hours; Aquaman put my wife to sleep in about 40 minutes, not counting the times I woke her up to check out the cool underwater Pandora-style visuals.

Me: “Are you falling asleep?”
Wife: “Maybe.”
Me: “Can I keep watching the movie?”
Wife: “Yes.”
Me: “Okay. If you want to see more of it, we can watch it again tomorrow.”
Wife (looks at me like I’m insane): “Tomorrow is Game of Thrones.”

Yes, tomorrow is (or rather was, at the time) Game of Thrones, and the Battle of Winterfell. So obviously the secret to holding my wife’s attention — and for having her know what day and time your show is on — is to have Starks in it.

Wife: “I’m going to bed.”
Me: “Aquaman can’t keep you awake, huh?”
Wife: “He’s a lot better when he’s not just grunting, but―”
Me: “But he’s not Iron Man?”
Wife: “Or Tony Stark.”

Well, you know. You just can’t top that cool exec with the heart of steel.

*  Surely everyone my age watched Super Friends.
** Apparently not..
*** Surely everyone my age is at least familiar with Super Friends.
**** Did we even grow up in the same country?.

One thought on “Not A Review Of “Aquaman” (In 3D!)

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