So I’ve decided not to use the boring old A-B-C-D-F scale for rating movies. Instead, I’ll rate them by how fast they would put my wife to sleep. For instance, Dragons of Autumn Twilight would put her to sleep in about five minutes. (This doesn’t count time that she spends awake making fun of the movies before getting bored and falling asleep.) The “This Puts My Wife To Sleep” scale will go from “Immediately” (J-Men Forever) to “An Hour” (The Namesake), while the very best (Pan’s Labyrinth) will get a “Didn’t Put My Wife To Sleep At All” rating.
Books don’t put her to sleep, and she doesn’t play video games, but I’ll use the same scale for them. We’ll just pretend.