So I haven’t done a “not a review” in a while, in which I rate movies based on how long they take to put my wife to sleep, simply because we haven’t watched anything lately that she’s paid much attention to or made any amusing observations about. But that doesn’t mean she hasn’t uttered a tasty tidbit or two over the last couple of months. I’ve just been noting them down and waiting until I had enough of them for a post, because, you know, it’s not easy padding these posts to 30 minutes three or four paragraphs.
Category: Movies
Not A Review Of “Captain America: Civil War”
So this week, we watched “Captain America: Civil War“, AKA “The One Where Everybody Fights Everybody Else”.
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Not A Review Of “Spectre”
So last week I saw the most recent James Bond movie, “Spectre”, which means I’m finally caught up on all the Daniel Craig Bond flicks.
I think Bond and Dr. Swann may have just finished their rendition of Maxim Kozhevnikov and Yulia Zagoruychenko’s samba routine to “Hip Hip Chin Chin” …
Not A Review Of “Event Horizon”
So October seems to have been my month for getting caught up on movies I should have seen long ago, but didn’t. A few weeks ago, it was 1997’s “Contact“; and on Halloween, I finally got around to seeing the cult SF/horror film “Event Horizon“, also from 1997.
Not A Review Of “Deadpool”
Who’s That?
So last week we (mostly me) watched “Trouble with the Curve,” in which Clint Eastwood and Amy Adams work through their father/daughter issues, Amy Adams and Justin Timberlake work through their career vs. relationship issues, and some kid fails to work through his curveball-hitting issues.
Not A Review Of “Midnight Special”
So this week we started watching the film “Midnight Special“, in which a little boy goes on a fun road trip with his dad and his dad’s friend. Or something like that.
Not A Review Of “Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter”
So the other week we I watched “Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter“.
Me: <shows NetFlix envelope to wife>
Wife: “What’s that?”
Me: “‘Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter’.”
Wife: “Uh-huh.”
Later:
Me: <loading disc into player>
Wife: “What’s this?”
Me: “‘Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter’.”
Wife: “You were serious about that?”
Sadly, yes. Yes I was was.
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That Never Happened
So this week, as the school year drew to a close and my wife’s classroom prepared to shut down (forever, due to the school’s closure), she was looking for something to occupy the kids during their final days of attendance. She thought she might show them a movie based on one of the books they read in her classroom every year: Bridge to Terabithia. But before showing it to the kids, she thought it would be a good idea to watch it here first, to make sure the filmmakers hadn’t screwed it up. Because we all know what a bang-up job Hollywood always does on book adaptations, don’t we?
Not A Review Of “Jurassic World”
So this week we’ve been watching “Jurassic World“, in which things get a little out of hand at the Wild Animal Park Safari Park Jurassic Park Jurassic World theme park, a lovely place which looks like someone put the Safari Park and Sea World together in a tumbler, shook it up, and poured the resulting slurry out into a Hawaiian valley. The cause of the chaos this time is not a hurricane or corporate espionage, but rather, some overly ambitious genetic engineering combined with generally poor animal husbandry and a door that could maybe have been reinforced a little better. This all leads up to a designersaurus that’s much smarter and more versatile than it should be, which uses its mad skilz to escape its enclosure and go marauding. Hilarity ensues. And by “hilarity” I mean “lots of people getting eaten by dinosaurs”.
*Does not apply to Chris Pratt or Bryce Dallas Howard
Viscosity 